My whole life I’ve suffered from night terrors. I’d wake up in the middle of the night struggling to breath and thrashing around, feeling as if I was going to die. I’d sit up in bed and look around at a room I’d never seen before. 

For about 30 seconds, I could not recall who I was. I had no name, no gender and no past. Slowly, I’d remember. The knowledge that I lived here crept into my mind as I recognized the windows, the dresser and the bed. 

I never remembered the nightmare that caused me so much upset. How I struggled to recall these dreams the next day. But I never could. Thankfully, these occurrences didn’t happen often.  

But nightmares did. Nightmares are not the same as night terrors. With nightmares, I remembered every minute detail of the horror. For years, I was plagued by recurring nightmares.

I’d wake up, out of breath and emotionally horrified, but I knew immediately that I was awake and safe. A satisfying wave of relief fell over me. I knew I’d simply been asleep, and my life would go on as I knew it. 

Then, I’d dream. Some dreams made no sense, like the one I had recently about a bumblebee carnival ride in the middle of a bar. But others haunted me, even more than the nightmares. 

Many times, my dreams were so pleasant that I preferred them over my own life. When I awoke, I’d be bitterly disappointed. I’d wish that I lived in that reality instead of the one I currently occupied. 

In my dreams, I’d meet the best people in the most wondrous places under fantastic circumstances. I could not recall any time in my life that I was happier. The people I met seemed just as real as real life, but they were far better than anyone I’d ever know. When I awoke, I missed them desperately. 

I still do. 

Who is Kayla

Night Terrors is based on these experiences. The main character, Kayla, is beset on all sides. Her mother is dead. Her father is long gone. She’s in debt. She works in an emotionally toxic environment. But worse than all of that, she has no hope. 

So she does what any reasonable person would do. She tries to escape. While this might seem like the right course of action, it’s a matter of where she’s escaping to. Most people take the path of least resistance. Kayla is no exception. 

In part, Night Terrors is about pain, which is a more generic term for stress. 

If you take the hardest substance on earth – the diamond – and subject it to enough stress, it cracks. It becomes other than what it once was. So even a diamond loses its integrity with the right amount of pressure. 

Human beings are the same. With enough stress, we become twisted versions of ourselves. We make rash actions to find a way out. For instance, people who commit suicide don’t want their lives to end. They want their pain to end. 

Kayla wants the pain to end but makes choices that aren’t always the best for her, resulting in deadly consequences. 

What is Truth?

Night Terrors is also about the truth. Like stress, people run away from the truth. That’s because the truth can be unpleasant. Instead of seeing the truth, people will twist themselves into pretzels to avoid it. People don’t want the truth. They want their truth.  

The more painful the truth, the more people will deny it. But they don’t deny it so much as they lie to themselves. They replace the truth with a lie and call it the truth. 

If people run far enough away from the truth enough, they may find themselves unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality. 

That’s where Kayla finds herself. 

It’s not unlike the lead character Thomas Anderson, aka Neo, in the film The Matrix. He finds out that reality is actually a fantasy. Everything he thought was true is a lie. 

Like Thomas, Kayla is dealing with the fine line between fantasy and reality, but unlike him, her situation is a nightmare of her own making. 

Final Thoughts

Like many people, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, which manifested itself into horrible nightmares and other ailments that I’ve overcome, not without considerable misery.

Despite every obstacle and setback – and there have been many – I somehow clung onto reality enough to reach my goals. Kayla struggles to do that same. 

So if you like, take a journey with Kayla and me into Night Terrors. Perhaps I can help you find clarity with your own life’s battles as I have with mine.

At least, that’s my hope.